I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
