i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
