Pants 0. Shit 1.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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