operation have a gay friend backfired
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
