dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
