I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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