she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
