i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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