You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
