hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
