i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just gargled with NyQuil
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
