and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
