Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
