Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just had sex bonerless
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
