Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
this hospital has no fireball
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
