Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
