I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
