WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
