You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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