Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
