So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
