i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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