i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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