Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
