I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize