these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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