i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
