if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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