dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
