I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
