But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
