I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
