Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize