I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
