i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
