You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that's an acceptable place to lick
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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