hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
