It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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