Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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