I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
