i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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