Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize