I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
