did you get engaged???
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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