So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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