If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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