my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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