I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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