Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
