I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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