im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
