Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
