Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
