My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I deserve this hangover.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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