I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
