Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
