Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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