he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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