Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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